Girl’s Guide to Surviving Football Fever


It’s football season, and if you’re like me you may have noticed that any romantic dates with your fella on Sundays have dropped from your calendar.  Or maybe you’ve joined Facebook groups like this one: The Wife’s Guide to Surviving Football Season.

How does a girl cope with an event that literally keeps her man glued to the television for 10 or 12 straight hours? Below are my top five ways to cope with game day.

1. Don’t stand between him and Football, he’ll drop you like a punter at kickoff.  If you don’t want to learn about the game, use that spare time to do something else you’ve always wanted to do.  Take a dance class, join a ski club, or just make a standing date for girl time.  You’ll both be happier, and I guarantee that you’ll suddenly become more interesting to him if you’re out doing something fun without him.

2. Learn to Knit. Knitting is awesome, therapeutic and something you can be doing while your dude is yelling at the television. Plus when you are done, you’ve created a new scarf to keep you warm for the next game. Stitch and Bitch is a great knitters social network and one of the best books to get the beginner knitter started!

3. Learn to imitate the great color commentator John Madden.  Here is Frank Caliendo’s John Madden impersonation.

One of the best things about John Madden is his rudimentary commentator style. Put on a gruff voice and say, “You know, If the ball doesn’t get down the field, they aren’t going to make a touchdown!”  Start any sentence with “You know…” state the obvious, toss in a “Boom” and talk lovingly about Brett Farve whenever possible.

4. Pretend you are enjoying it. Yelling “Defense, or Go!” can be very invigorating, as long as you can follow who actually has possession of the ball.  Cheering for the other team is still an effective homicide defense in some states. You can get some great tips on what the basic terms for football are at this site, and hold your own on game day.

5. Join ’em!  There must be something to it since it is a billion dollar industry.  I recently joined my husband’s Fantasy Football team and am really enjoying the competitive nature of having my own team. Plus, once in a while I beat him at his own game! ESPN, FoxSports, AOL, and Yahoo are all great websites that host free fantasy football leagues.  Here are some sites that do a great job of giving out strategy tips for picking the best fantasy team!
http://fantasyfootball.com/
Wife’s Guide to Understanding Fantasy Football.

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  2. Mary Ellen
    12/8 2010

    First of all – ya better love him cuz it’s a big-ass test.

    I myself have learned its better with honey than vinegar. But I still throw the vinegar in there. Usually late in the season. Cuz I just can’t take it anymore. But mine isn’t just watching football, he likes to coach it.

    This passion doesn’t lose steam as he gets older. There’s no need for Viagra or any other medication. It’s a hormone that doesn’t diminish with age.

    For the football watching. It’s a no-brainer.

    — Give him his man cave.
    — Supply him with food & drink.
    — And let him alone.
    — He will love you for it.(He may not show/tell/reveal to you till after the season.)

    Honestly, he (probably) doesn’t want you there. Just like he doesn’t want to go to that bridal or baby shower. And quite frankly, I don’t want him there. And, if you’re faking it or trying to be a ‘team player’ — don’t. It’s like the mom trying to be ‘hip’ with their kids. Just don’t.

    — Now….if your husband decides to continue to coach CYO football after your boys have left the program, well now you’re talking warfare. Commitment begins in July and August with conditioning. Come September, its a 6-7 day per week thing until playoffs.

    Forget about knitting.

    Start learning to fix the cupboard door, balance the clothes dryer, screw in the door handle and whatever things are completely ignored when he’s coaching, scouting, and all the other duties required of a wife/partner of a die-hard football fan.

    After growing up with four older brothers and a father who had a radio and the tv tuned in to college ball and then married to guy who played football in college – I still don’t know the rules of this game (or any of the sports in our house including hockey and lacrosse. I got the swimming rules down) and it doesn’t matter.

    Just understand ya aint gonna change him. It aint gonna change. And adapt. Peace.

  3. Mary Ellen
    12/8 2010

    And not to be too picky.

    But the stock photo you selected….

    These men are not dedicated football fans.

    But they’re not the target audience. So if it’s fantasy you want, fantasy it is!

  4. Mary Ellen
    12/8 2010

    Sorry…just read rather than scanned your article.
    Ya don’t want to talk lovingly about Bret Favre.
    You could ask him what he thinks about what
    your ‘man’ thinks of Brett sending photos of his
    junk to a pretty little sideline commentator.

    Ya see…ya just can’t get around it. I don’t sit
    down and listen to all the sports channels like
    I don’t sit down or listen to all the kids movies
    but ya pick it up whether you like it or not.

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